I think that love should be about giving love, an unconditional love that doesn't demand reciprocity, not about giving oneself to anyone. It's also about opening up, letting someone in, taking someone with you on a journey, in your body, in your life, in your heart, in your head.
It's beautifully said and I agree with you , it's my definition of love too.

Buffy finds herself when loving Spike , yes - as much as he finds again himself in some ways because I believe he let his humanity in the open.

In Crush I see things differently because it was more about obsession than love , don't you think?

Because if you give yourself, you lose yourself. It's surprising that our minds take different paths here. You give all your heart and soul and body if you love sincerely and passionately .. or do you think we give only a part of ourselves?

As for losing oneself.. maybe. It's certainly true in a way and that doesn't scare me as long as I still know what I am.

Buffy never left Spike's heart .. of course. :)