I wonder...

[chani]

Who's reading this? Who usually reads my LJ entries ? I know this sounds very self-centred...but as I said once, LJ is a kind of mirror.  But I promise, I'll try not to be a diva much...

Actually it's frances_lievens ' survey about her 2 years anniversary and my own "the real me" post that made me think of my silent readers/lurkers and of my reading list.

And I can't really decide whether this LJ is ill ou bien portant.

First, the symptoms.

Based on the comments that are left in here, whether the posts are flocked or not, there are only few people from my flist, always the same, who seem to read my entries. 

I'm quite aware that LJ people (from my flist or not) can read entries and still not leave comments, for different reasons by the way, but at the end of the day it's like they are ghosts that I never see so they might not be there as well.

Secondly, an attempt to diagnose.

I am not complaining, simply wondering about the nature of LJ again. I didn't mean my LJ  to be a club of selected people ( "happy few" or "band of buggered"), because there are other ways like filters or chats and emails to connect to my closest Internet friends, but looks like it's slowly becoming one. So I wonder if some people feel outcast now like outsiders who should not intrude by leaving comments, or are too shy to do it or simply decided to stop reading it at some point...

I have 68 people on my flist and I confess that I don't read everything, and even when I do, I don't leave comments all the times. So I can imagine what it is for those who have either little time or a huge flist. But I'm pretty sure that I have commented , if not regularly, at least several times, on every LJ from that list. It's like calling people on the phone from time to time to say hi, it's like smiling to strangers in the street. And interactions suppose a bit of reciprocity sometimes.

I like social interactions and discussions, and I guess I still regret that LJ is not a forum. Mea Culpa, maxima mea...

LJ is paradoxically a small world so I know very well that some of those ghosts from my flist do "materialize" elsewhere, showing up on other blogs (I sound like a staker here don't I?). Of course they simply could be not interested in what I post here, which is something I totally understand.  Sometimes I even wonder if I would read myself !

But in regard to those who regularly post on LJ and have me in their reading list for a while but never comment, I really wonder why they keep me there. Why bothers? 

If they have a huge flist and simply friended me back to be polite because I friended them first, they should feel free to defriend me, I don't want to be like a constant spam on their friends page and I wouldn 't be upset if they defriended me, honest (except  Trekker because I begged her to friend me in order to get my Githan fix!). They may have made a mistake by friending me, or we have drifted apart. It happens, it's what makes us human.

Ok maybe they think that I still have potential and might post something interesting/worth commenting someday and are waiting for that miracle post ! :- )


But is there a treatment? Do I want one? Damn I screwed up my own analogy!

Please note that against all appearances, I'm not trying to make people de-friend me (because I would be punishing myself  for a few LJ went friends-only and being friended is the only way to read some insightful posts or great fictions ) or to make them feel guilty for not commenting, I'm just trying to analyze my LJ situation and to dissect LJ land with that analytical mind of mine.

 Anyway it's probably only my LJ regulars who will see this so they won't feel they are being got at ! But they can give me their insights on the matter still. Yes they can!

And if the ghosts from my flist or the lurkers see this, well I hope it won't scare them away! Sometimes words must be spoken to break the ice or dispel misunderstandings or make things...clean.

Waiting for mass defriending now....

 

If you're still reading, since we're in an introspective mode, here's a poll inspired by Proust's questionnaire, that jamalov29 posted a few days ago and that I answered in her flocked entry. I hope she doesn't mind my stealing it. Feel free to answer it here, it's time for you to de-lurk. I'd really like to know who your fabourite authors are....

Your favourite virtue : generosity

Your favourite qualities in a man : self-confidence, sense of humour, passion, intelligence.

Your favourite qualities in a woman : the same plus dignity and sweetness

Favourite qualities in friends : loyalty, constancy, empathy

Main flaw : stubborn.

Favourite occupation : reading.

Idea of happiness : I don't believe in a constant state of happiness. For me happiness lies in moments, some can be very simple and quiet, others can be grand and filled with joy.

Idea of misery : the death of loved ones.

If not yourself , who would you be? Either a medieval monk or a revolutionary.

Favourite authors (prose ) : Jorge Luis Borges, Proust, Gide, Alejo Carpentier, Dan Simmons.

Favourite authors (poetry) : Jorges Luis Borges, Virgil, Baudelaire, Musset, Poe, Shakespeare. 

Favourite heroes in fiction : Don Quixote, Paul Atreides, Spike, Kurt Wallander.

How would you like to die : with my eyes wide open.

Present state of mind : contemplative.

For what flaw have you most understanding : impatience.

Favourite motto : carpe diem but don't harm anyone while doing it.

ETA: The point wasn't to make anyone try to justify themselves for not commenting enough. I don't blame anyone and as I said I totally understand that they can't comment on every post they read since I don't myself. I was just trying to analyze the way things work on LJ through my own window and thus poking my possible readers to know who they were, if they were there still, especially the lurkers who aren't on my flist but might be there nonethless, and the the ones from my flist who had never commented or who hadn't commented for months.

Comments

[dawnydiesel.livejournal.com]

I'm here... I read everything and comment rarely. I have less and less time online everyday, it seems.

[elisi]

This is very interesting (as was your other post) - and I know exactly what you mean. Although I know that a lot of people friended me for my fic (*so* flattering!), so the fact that they don't comment much (or at all - I have several professional lurkers) doesn't bother me all that much.

But it's true that I have those 'talk' to every day and those I wave to once a month...

I really wish I had more time, but RL is (as always) calling me!

[frenchani.livejournal.com]

Good to know I didn't lose you! Your remark about Midget being a mini-Crichton cracked me up. :- )

[frenchani.livejournal.com]

Oh yes the fic-eaters (and I'm one too!)are a special category of "friends" but the feedbacks they leave may give some real connections and start good discussions.

As I said on a comment to so_sharlemaine in my previous post, sometimes it's like people just feast on LJ. Mmmm I feel a vampire analogy coming in! ;- )

How do you know that you have professional lurkers?

[syderia]

Your favourite virtue : loyalty

Your favourite qualities in a man : intelligence, understanding, empathy

Your favourite qualities in a woman : the same

Favourite qualities in friends : loyalty,understanding, curiosity

Main flaw : stubborn.

Favourite occupation : inventing stories

Idea of happiness : Gah... (Sorry, the theme we have in French/Philosophy this year is the pursuit of happiness). I think happiness is contentment with one's life and joy.

Idea of misery : being betrayed

If not yourself , who would you be? the advisor of a King back in the Middle Age

Favourite authors (prose ) : Alexandre Dumas, Emile Zola, Robert Merle

Favourite authors (poetry) : Paul Eluard, Victor Hugo

Favourite heroes in fiction : Edmond Dantès, D'Artagnan, Richard Rahl

How would you like to die : on my own terms

Present state of mind : nervous

For what flaw have you most understanding : losing one's temper

Favourite motto : Math is like love -- a simple idea but it can get complicated

[47-trek-47.livejournal.com]

I'm notoriously bad about not commenting... it's my greatest source of fandom shame, I must admit. *sighs*

[frenchani.livejournal.com]

Hey I didn't expect you to comment this! ;- )

BTW you wouldn't need an idea to write a Githan fic?

I'm asking because yesterday I came across a rerun of BTVS and it was the end of "Life Serial" when Giles was giving Buffy that check and she compared him to her mom and he suggested she could rather use the idea of a "rakish uncle".

Suddenly that "rakish uncle" in Giles' mouth called Ethan to my mind...and then I thought of what I had just thought and realized that if Ethan was the rakish uncle therefore he was in Giles' mouth which led me to interesting visuals!

[frenchani.livejournal.com]

Thanks for answering the poll.

Ah le stress d'avant concours...Courage!

[elisi]

How do you know that you have professional lurkers?
Well I know about those who have friended me... ::checks flist::

Lets see... ayavalla, deborahc, elisane, mangosorbet007 and silverwolf242 to name a few. If there are loads who just drop by and never leave a comment I do not know...

[sweet-lil-rach.livejournal.com]

I do read now and then - I sometimes don't read your film reviews because I either a) haven't seen it yet, or b) don't want someone else's view to taint my own.
I'm very bad at commenting - I don't have much time at the minute. I know it seems like a lame excuse, but when you wake up in the morning and there's 2 whole pages of new entries to go through, it's hard to comment on all or even some of them most of the time! and I don't spend even a 10th of the time online that I used to spend back in Buffy days!

But I do read what you write, even if I don't comment. So I hope that doesn't leave you feeling unloved or whatever - because I love my Chani! *smooch!*

[lovablylolly.livejournal.com]

You are on my list because you are interesting. I like to read about other people. I like to see what I have in common with them and what I don't. I like to use what other people write as an opportunity for self-reflection.

As for not commenting, to tell you the truth you kind of intimidate me. You are so smart and you seem so self-assured. And I'm just bad at commenting.

[just-sue.livejournal.com]

Your favourite virtue : tolerance

Your favourite qualities in a man : humour, loyalty, honesty, kindness, neat butt (okay, last one just physical but...)

Your favourite qualities in a woman : honesty, empathy, humour, loyalty, kindness

Favourite qualities in friends : honesty, humour, tolerance

Main flaw : lack of confidence

Favourite occupation : after sex? LOL Writing fanfic or walking pooch.

Idea of happiness : Sharing something special with someone(s) special and recognising the moment for what it is.

Idea of misery : Not recognising happiness until too late

If not yourself , who would you be? Winner of the Cheltenham Gold Cup (the jockey NOT the horse!)

Favourite authors (prose ) : Guy Gavriel Kay, Andre Norton, Kelley Armstrong, Robin McKinley, Dick Francis, Juliet Marillier

Favourite authors (poetry) : Colin Wright (BiL), ummm

Favourite heroes in fiction : Spike, Buffy, Diarmuid, Sunshine

How would you like to die : at peace with myself

Present state of mind : thoughtful

For what flaw have you most understanding : anger

Favourite motto : Who dares wins

[beanbeans.livejournal.com]

I do read you as often as I can, Chani, because you always have interesting things to say about music, movies, politics, etc. I have been lousy about commenting, and I do apologize. I will confess to feeling shy sometimes and worrying that I won't fit in, and often I am self-conscious about voicing my opinions about politics and relationships and fandom things. But it doesn't mean I'm not reading, or that I don't like to hear what you say. I just... I... I guess I'm a bit of a wallflower until I get to know someone REALLY well.

I also often miss posts as my flist is really big. That's no excuse though and again, I apologize.

I do agree with you- I find that I am retreating more and more to IM and email, as it is becoming harder and harder to keep up with my flist with hectic RL schedules. Which is sad, as LJ had previously been a good way to connect with new friends.

I hope you will keep me, Chani. But if you defriend me because I haven't commented enough, I understand. It's your LJ and you should make it comfortable for you. Which I guess goes back to your original discussion...


Here are my answers to your poll:

Your favourite virtue : respect

Your favourite qualities in a man : sense of humor, respect, kindness, confidence

Your favourite qualities in a woman : the same

Favourite qualities in friends : honesty, respect

Main flaw : Low self esteem

Favourite occupation : yoga

Idea of happiness : those few fleeting moments of peace and clarity and calm

Idea of misery : my child hurting

If not yourself , who would you be? : I honestly dont know...Perhaps J.K, Rowling. :)

Favourite authors (prose ) : Anne Lamott, Simone De Beauvoir, Dennis Lehane, Jim Butcher, William Shakespeare, Truman Capote, E.M. Forester

Favourite authors (poetry) : ee cummings, Audre Lord, Yeats

Favourite heroes in fiction : Harry Dresden, Sherlock Holmes

How would you like to die : when I am very very old, and very ready

Present state of mind : tired

For what flaw have you most understanding : low self-esteem

Favourite motto : What is essential is invisible to the eye; it is only with the hear that one can see rightly.

Take care.
~beanbeans

[comava.livejournal.com]

I'm wondering where I stand now... I think I'm quite good at commenting generally but once I started thinking about it I wasn't sure when I last did so here. I mostly comment when I really have something to say, not just "Me too" or "I agree" or "I like this" sort of stuff. But I do read everything, I'm very good about reading my flist. I can't really understand why some people complain because I find it very interesting and I wouldn't have the flist I do if I didn't enjoy it, you know? I do use a filter from time to time but I always catch up on all of it in the end.

I see my flist as a sort of playground - there are my close friends, some people I'm nosy about, some whom I think are just amusing, some with good fanfic, communities with interesting stuff... I wouldn't say I'm good friends with all of them, they're all on my flist for different reasons. And now that I give it a bit of thought, yes, I certainly don't comment on every post from everyone.

And you are on my flist because you're my friend. I like reading your thoughts and musings. I certainly wouldn't defriend you because after following your blog for this long I would probably just stop by for updates anyway. I'm nosy like that!

[syderia]

Hello, the name "Diarmuid" reminds me of something but I can't figure out where it comes from.

Would you mind telling me?

[frenchani.livejournal.com]

Oh I know you're rarely on LJ or online anyway...unless you're posting stuff under a filter and I don't see it! ;- )

Not feeling unloved, and not fishing for love either although love is always good and welcome, only voicing some thoughts I've been having for a while about LJ and trying to understand how this works by provoking people!

[frenchani.livejournal.com]

First off, thanks for de-lurking.

I'm really surprised to hear what you said. So I guess this post had some merit at the end of the day.

I can't believe anyone could find me intimidating. Did you see my clumsy English and all the mistakes I made?

I wish everybody would be comfortable enough to intervene if they want to, whether it is to share things we have in common or that we don't. For instance here, the topic being LJ interactions, it's something that we all have in common and could discuss.

So please, don't hesitate!

[frenchani.livejournal.com]

Oh yes a neat butt is definitely on my list too!

How could have forgotten Buffy as a favourite fictional heroes? I'm ashamed...

[just-sue.livejournal.com]

http://www.sacred-texts.com/neu/celt/lfic/lfic062.htm

Is from Irish legend, but the one I love if Prince Diarmuid in Guy Gavriel Kay's Fionavar Tapestry Trilogy - reminds me a bit of Spike! LOL

[syderia]

That's the one I read.

[syderia]

And thanks!

(LJ really should let us edit our comments)

[just-sue.livejournal.com]

LOL Perhaps your life is more rounded than mine? *grins*

[frenchani.livejournal.com]

More rounded...huh when you say that, are you talking about my oversight concerning Buffy...or about the neat butt ?

;- )

[just-sue.livejournal.com]

True! Then I could get rid of my typo! I swear I need a beta for LJ. *pouts*

[just-sue.livejournal.com]

Hey, your LJ ...you choose! *grins*