chani | Interlude

I watched screens yesterday.

I watched the episodes of Lost I got to tape while I was away (yes Trésor I made it!) and it was not too bad. I liked the Hurley episode about the numbers (Now I understand your icon, Lynn!). I even cried when Boones died, or rather when Shannon and Sayid came back from their romantic escapade. Locke is still one of my favourite characters along with Sawyer, Sun, Jin and Michael. A lost life for a life that is given (Claire's baby). Maybe the law is that their number must remain the same.

I also gave a look at my boards (the BC&S and the Naughty Board) and it was like looking at a world going on without you. It was bizarre, kind of a metaphysical experience.

When you're gone you usually can't see that the world you left behind, is going on because basically the only world that exists is the one built on your perceptions, so the world always follows you wherever you go, the world is always yours even though you know there's a life continuing apart from you (at least when you're only away....not gone as in dead), but you can't see it as a watcher, you have no evidence of it (unless there's a camera filming the places you used to be in and the people you used to go around with! Big Brother anyone?). As soon as your'e in touch with that life (phone call, news etc), you borrow it, you make it yours. You're always a player of the world, never a pure watcher.

But with the Internet life, on boards, there're always tracks, archives freezing that life for your look, and afterwards you can watch a world that you used to be part of but that didn't need you to keep going on, a world that wasn't yours at the end of the day.

I'm an atheist and I do believe that death will be the end of me as a person, that *I* won't be anywhere watching/knowing/feeling the living going on, but seeing those board windows of virtual life was like a post-death experience, and therefore a proof that I'm really mortal.

The show goes on anyway behind the screens.

This could have reassured me.

It did not.